News From Rulo

Saturday April 13th

Pierre Bonnard, 1908 - Early Spring

Grim news folks! The new Primo Gazebo call center went ahead and signed a deal with our rival neighboring city, Falls City’s corrupt city council. This unexpected move came after Falls City council members allegedly received substantial kickbacks from corrupt Rulo City council member Terry Perry and lucrative offers from Falls City bankers in exchange for relocating the call center contract.

My good buddy Gary has a source, some say ex military intelligence? telling him that this might all have to do with that freak hail storm we had last summer and some shady backroom dealings with the deep state and Gazebo insurance fraud. That hail storm practically wiped out all of Falls City’s public gazebos. Now the entire town and their dog has brand new gazebos! Kind of fishy how not one gazebo got replaced in Rulo. Those 4,052 pompous assholes in Falls City think they are so much more sophisticated than us common folk in Rulo with their fancy ass gazebos and green spaces for their nuclear families and pets.

Many precious tax paying residents of Rulo are feeling betrayed and were counting on employment at the new call center. Gary’s unnamed source thinks that “Freak Hail Storm In Falls City” might not have been an “accident.” Gary and his source have also heard whispers at the Ye Ole Time Saloon, of a possible connection with a deep state weather machine. Some believe the hail storm may have been manipulated to provide cover for suspicious claims and further benefit the call center's relocation to Falls City!

I found this excellent book down at the Rulo library on the deep states weather machine up there in Alaska. After reading it all this makes sense.

JIm

NO MORE VAPING AT THE LIBRARY YOU VAPING FOOLS!

The Universal Church of Dudo Worship Experience Center

Rulo, NE 2025

Music

Holy shit they made it Colbert! God I love all Adrianne Lenker’s lyrics about watching TV and dead leaves in the yard.

“Watching TV tired, bleeding on the bed
The milk has just expired, all the leaves are dead”

Poetry

A Strange New Cottage in Berkeley

by: Allen Ginsberg

     All afternoon cutting bramble blackberries off a tottering brown
fence under a low branch with its rotten old apricots miscellaneous under
the leaves, fixing the drip in the intricate gut machinery of a new toilet;
found a good coffeepot in the vines by the porch, rolled a big tire out
of the scarlet bushes, hid my marijuana; wet the flowers, playing the sunlit water each to each, returning for godly extra drops for the string beans and daisies;
three times walked round the grass and sighed absently: my reward, when the garden fed me its plums from the form of a small tree in the corner,
an angel thoughtful of my stomach, and my dry and lovelorn tongue.

My good buddy Bill was finally published in Nebraska Man Land Magazine!

He wrote a real original article called “My Boy's First Buck. Now,” I'd like to read that on the air. I'm so proud of my buddy Bill, even though i’m a staunch vegetarian. So, here we go. My Boy's First Buck by Old Bill.

“Last weekend was a real important milestone in my life.

My boy had finally grown up enough to go on his first deer hunt.

Now I remember when my grandfather took me on my first hunt to get my first buck, and I was just a young buck myself.

Man, how times change.

And I bet he remembers when his father took him on his first hunt, and he got his first buck.

And goddammit, I bet my granddad's dad remembers when his granddad's dad took him on his first hunt, and he got his first buck.

Things stay the same and some things just change.

I know you might be wondering, why did your granddad take you on your first hunt and not your real dad?

Well, that's a long story.

Let's just say when my granddad took my dad hunting, my dad was a real pansy ass and felt real bad after he shot a little fluffy bunny.

And so my dad never had enough balls to take his boy hunting.

He did take me fishing once, but only once.”

Literature

In Wendell Berry’s book “The Unsettling of America” he outlines the struggles of America's rural communities as farming has become increasingly industrial and mechanized. Many Small family farms evaporated, as single larger operations could “farm it” all with huge machinery. Many small farmers like loggers had to relocate to cities to find new employment. The result is the death of a way of life, culture, tradition and substantial loss of dignity. In both cases many rural people are misguided as to the cause of their predicament. It is of no surprise that with the degradation of land comes hardship for the people who’s livelihoods depend on the lands productivity.

Morel Mushroom Hunting Tips

1. Third day after your first mow and a light wet rain.

2. Look under dead elm trees.

3. Wildlife MGMT areas with rough parking lots and road closed signs.

4. Train your dog to sniff them out!

5. Listen to the earth taste the soil and you will know!

6. Practice responsible foraging use a mesh bag so the spores fall out!

Comedy

Its not often that I bust a gut, but I ran across this compilation of people covering John Couger Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane. Mostly the “Sucking On A Chili Dog Lyric”. Hope you enjoy as much it as much as I do!

Letters to the Editor

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Baseless Accusations

Dear Editor,

Your baseless claims about Primo Gazebo insurance fraud are purely based on conspiracy mumbo jumbo. Do a quick Goggle search and stop getting your info from your small town library, douche bag! Here are the results of a quick Google search.

“HAARP, which was once a research facility for studying the ionosphere, has been the subject of conspiracy theories suggesting it can manipulate the weather or control people's minds. However, these claims have been widely debunked, and HAARP's potential impact on weather or human behavior is minimal compared to the LHC's potential impact on fundamental physics and the universe. “

City Council Member Terry Perry

Slippery Slope

Dear Editor,

Your newsletter is getting redundant and spiraling into conspiracy

mis-information. Get a real job Jim and lay of the dope!

Love,

Jan

Strange Lights in the Woods

Dear Jim,

Are Gary and your wife ever coming back from their mission Trip to Dubai? Also what are those wingnuts at the church of Dudo doing out in the woods every weekend, keep seeing a bunch of bright lights and amplified sawmill noises. Stay safe.

Bill