NEWS FROM RULO

februANY 2026

Heavy news, folks. I bet you guessed it already! I didn’t get my dream job delivering that Fiddle Faddle snack stuff to them fancy vending machines at the new, state-of-the-art “Rulo Data Center.” Turns out that T-replacement therapy tripped up my drug test, and I didn’t get my CDL. How come things never go my way, while everyone else in the world seems so happy and successful? I just can’t imagine anyone having such bad luck as I do.Woe is me.

That fucking numb nuts, Gary, didn’t tell me them testosterone injections were a cocktail of steroids, stem cells, and psilocybin. I do feel better than I’ve ever felt before, and my sex drive is limitless! Can’t wait for my wife to get back from the time-share conference retreat in Miami. She goes with Gary every winter; Gary keeps an eye on her for me! Anyways, I might go next year when I figure out how to use AI better. Something to do with training AI to pick the best locations for time shares? Gary says the T-injections and psilocybin will really help me interface with the AI better!

Not really sure if that data center is even going to get built in Rulo, as some human remains were recently unearthed in the preliminary excavation. Shit, I could have told them that. It was always rumored that the skeleton of some old train robber and his loot were buried way down there in that cave. Back when we were kids, Gary and his twin brother, Larry, swore that they reached the most remote section of the cave and saw the skeleton in a beam of light coming down from the top of the cavern.

Anyhow, I ran into Larry the other day at the Casey’s General Store. He recommended I try some new, convoluted local energy drink his stepson was working on. They worked out a deal with Kwik Shop that every slice of pizza would come with a free energy drink.

The cashier recommended the mango flavor. I asked if they had any vegetarian options for the pizza, or Impossible Meat crumbles. The cashier told me that, unfortunately, the only vegetarian option was cheese. Anyways, I ended up just getting a coffee and a bag of that Fiddle Faddle stuff. The cashier told me something big was coming to the old Pizza Hut, and maybe it was the vegetarian option or something to do with some special crust.

I’ll probably check it out this weekend, or maybe just stop by Subway in Falls City. It’s February, baby!

Jim

Dear Editor:

I am writing to the editor of “the” Journal regarding people who treat other people with disrespect and about people who get disrespected. Some people have no problem taking advantage of others. They seem to go out of their way to do so. Then there are those people who let others run all over them. Either they are not aware of being taken advantage of or they just don’t want to create a ruckus.

Here’s the story. Back in the spring of 1973 in Rulo, Nebraska down by the Mighty Mo there lived a little old lady by the name of Ima T. Waud. Miss Waud owned some lots of land that she had inherited from her uncle Clyde. While she didn’t know the exact legal description of the land, she knew the general vicinity of the property. She also knew that there were several large walnut trees on the property.

It just so happened that the walnut furniture market was going strong at this time and a neighbor of Miss Waud told her she should look into selling the walnut trees. Miss Waud contacted the local logger/sawmill owner, Mr. Axel M. Twigs to find out how much the walnut trees were worth. Mr. Twig asked Miss Waud where the trees were located. Well, she said, the trees are on the property located starting at the intersection of Ridge Road and South Street and then going east along South Street until you come to a large cottonwood tree, then north approximately 600 feet until you intersect Deer Creek, then follow Deer Creek until you come to a barbed wire fence, then go straight west to Ridge Road, then go south to South Street.

Mr. Twigs didn’t waste any time finding Miss Waud’s property. He spent the next morning walking the wooded lots. He couldn’t believe his eyes as he spotted large, straight 16 and 18 inch diameter walnut trees with most having two or more 8 foot logs. He saw at least twelve trees with veneer quality wood.

Mr. Twig went straight home to calculate the value of the walnut trees. He figured the trees would be worth at least $1000 each and he decided to offer Miss Waud $200 per tree for a total of 12 trees knowing that there were at least 15 trees that he could harvest.

Mr. Twigs drove over to Miss Waud’s home that afternoon and offered her $200 per tree for the 12 trees he said he would cut. Miss Waud, being the shrewd lady she thought she was said I’ll sell the trees for $250 per tree. Mr. Twigs thought to himself that he could cover an extra $50 per tree and wrote out a check for $3000 thinking about all the money he was going to make. The walnut veneer was going to make him a truck load of money. Mr. Twigs and his logging crew planned to get started the next morning.

That night a horrific storm rolled in from the southwest. A straight-line wind of over 95 mph hit the town of Rulo and the surrounding area. Seven inches of rain fell along with damaging hail. The storm woke Mr. Twigs up and all he could think about were the walnut trees he had purchased from Miss Waud. As soon as it got light outside he drove over to Miss Waud’s property. He could barely make it down Ridge Road as there trees down everywhere. Once he got to the property he couldn’t believe what he saw.

Trees were strewn everywhere. Trees toppled, trees twisted, trees up rooted. Every single walnut tree that he had purchased and those not purchased were mangled and where not salvageable. Right away he went over to Miss Waud’s house to get his money back. When he arrived, Twigs told Miss Waud what had happened to the trees and demanded his money back. Miss Waud said no way, that a deal was a deal.

Twigs said he had purchased standing trees and that they were no longer of any value to him. Miss Waud said it was not her fault that a wind storm blew them down. Twigs stomped off and never recovered his loss. Miss Waud had already cashed the check and put the cash in her shoebox under the bed.

So there you have it. One person taking advantage of another person and another person so greedy and will not compromise when difficult times arise. In this story it is difficult to feel sorry for either party.

Sincerely,

Floyd C. Banner

Scored an absolute steal on some fresh gear at Walmart down in Kansas last week. Its actually the only regular Walmart left in the states, not a super Walmart yet………Not going to lie this 15-oz Ozark Trail stackable coffee mug has already earned a permanent spot in my daily rotation. If anyone from Ozark Trail is wants to make hook me up with some $$$ or free swag I would be more than happy to rep it here on NEW FROM RULO!

Poetry

by: Randy Jeffers

Poem For Linda

There was always something

Something further out there in the woods

And I was placing my grubby paws around its neck

Lost odd thoughts pressing for nuance where it did not exist

I was a drunk blubbering bitch at your birthday party

And I apologize for that

Channeled my grief by screaming at the

Taxidermy turkeys in your dad’s basement

Mound City Missouri 2005

You had me by the balls

This endless stretch of years has since evaporated everyone else who was there

Youth gone “bye bye”

Staring at the bug zapper stoned

Front porch burnt down and

I’m still stuck here on the porch swing alone

Missing you baby girl

RIP BOBBY WEIR

October 16, 1947 – January 10, 2026

Fuck I hope JOhn Meyers is ok. Bobby was one of the good ones boys! Thanks for all the music and lets never let it stop!

The 2026 Southeast Nebraska Excellence and Innovations Expo, is going to be held again in Rulo this February! Talking to the city council, it sounds like this year is going to have one hell of a lineup:

15 vape vendors,

Primo Gazebo,

Classic cars,

Ole Gary’s microgreens,

art and craft vendors, food trucks.

Don Harms stopped by the Wonder bread Truck for coffee last Friday afternoon and was telling me he got himself a brand-new skid loader for next to nothing at the auction last weekend! All it needs is a few hoses replaced and some new tread on the tracks!

Congrats Don!

Februany 14th is coming up quick! don’t forget to get your honey some flowers and chocolates boys and maybe a 5 dollar foot long if you know what I mean????????????????

Snoopy and woodstock goofin!

It Februany folks! Stop by Subway!

Mon, Jan 19, 6:56 PM

Witch’s dog ET saw her Mama cast sexy spell that caught her man

Elizabeth Taylor (ET)

Okay all ya’ll peoples having out around the Free Radio Rulo Wonder Bread Truck in east Nebraska...

Free Radio Rulo Wonder Bread Truck

This is Elizabeth Taylor, aka ET the poodle. I got a story to tell you about a county witch, my Mama.

You know February is for lovers. Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and I witnessed a love spell cast first hand, or first paw in my case. Mama has two spells but she only has used one to date.

Ok, the first one, you need to be very sure, and I mean very sure you want it to work before you cast it. It takes three days of 24 hours a day spelling to make sure it is powerful enough to work. You pick the wrong person and you may be stuck for life!

One night two years ago Mama came into our bedroom and said, “I am going to get you a daddy!”

“A DADDY?” I was like,“Well Mama why, and why have you not already?” She said,“I never figured I could turn a radio much on, much less this person, but I am going to give it a whirl.” I high five’d her with my paw and I said “You go girl.” I anxiously waited for my new daddy.

You see I had already heard hours and hours about him at night when I was in my sleeping case next to Mama. She talked my ears off about him. One night I just came out and told her to dial the phone for me. I was going to tell him what was going on in Mama’s mind. She did not. She is timid. He now tells her she was spelling him. SHE STILL is spelling him!

She however had not spelled much in the last 15 years. She was taking care of two people that were dying and hollering driving her nuts, and they had since gone on to the great beyond and now she has time for herself.

She pondered daily for a good while about this spell. She knew it was powerful and she wanted to make sure that it was what she wanted. She dug out her spell book from the cellar and it was dusty and full of cobwebs, but we hoped it was gonna work. We just knew it was going to work. It had to work!

Ok here goes. Now write this down and put it in a safe place.

Spell # 1

You get a red candle and a white saucer, 3 pairs of drawers(undies), your favorite picture of the person you want, and a red ink pen. Mama had looked at most a million pictures of this man she was interested in for YEARS, and she always went to this one picture and she knew it was the one to use in the spell because every time she saw it, her loins almost caught fire! He was so handsome to her and he still is!

The Country Witch’s man at Fort Zachary State Park in Key West, 2016

She gathered up everything, came into the bedroom and I was praying she was not going to burn the house down and what do you know? But she realized she had no drawers! Most of the time she is a commando, still is.

So she told me BRB, she had to go to The General, the $ General. We have them everywhere. You ask for directions say to the nearest Kwik Mart and you most likely get, “Go a half mile down the road past the three $ Generals and then take a right by the Piggly Wiggly, go down past two more $ Generals and if you go too far you will see the one $ General the tornado three years blew off the foundation, turn around you gone to far! Come back by the house that has the pig pen in the front yard, you have arrived, the Kwik Mart will be next door.

In a few minutes she came back with three pairs of black drawers. Black is important. Witches’ favorite color. As well as black cats and the number 13, plus herbs. She said she also needed the eye of Newt! She grows a lot of herbs, but had not found an eye of Newt plant. Mama worried about not having the eye of the Newt, but she was tired of waiting and she began spelling anyway I began watching and waiting and hoping the spell would work! Here’s the spell.

You take your favorite picture of the man or woman or both you want and remember it is powerful as it is, but she is going to give you one more step to really make it powerful, she does not charge extra for that. You take the picture and you can print it out on your printer, (she had it saved on her computer) Then you take the red ink pen and write his name on the picture and your intentions.

Then here comes the really powerful part, she drew a red heart and put his initials and her initials in the heart with the cupids arrow.

THEN here comes an even more powerful part. You put a pair of the black drawers on and put the picture in the bottom of the drawers (crotch) and wear them for three days. Yes you can change but you need to get the underwear and picture back on as soon as possible. Guys if you wear those old men boxers you will have to pin your picture to the undies. Be careful it’s in dangerous territory! Mama wears a size 5 or 6 and they only had size 14’s at the $Gen so she had to get them and put a big old baby diaper pin to hold them up! Aunt Carolyn now has them in her garage sale building. Mama said they were big enough for a sailboat!

Mama also got out her see through gown from the cedar chest. It had never been worn and she considered it one of her witch’s gowns, and she still has it and she pranced around our bedroom with the door locked, in for three days chanting the man’s name and sealing it with “so mote it be.” That is equivalent to the church’s AMEN. But more powerful. You know that there is a witch in church when the prayer is over and you hear “so mote it be,” mixed in with the Amen’s and you get the stink eye from the congregation. Or Mama did anyway. I just watched in amazement. Oh she did feed and water me but she was spelling so hard! She had to stay in her room because back then we had an old uncle living with us and she did not want to kill him when she came out with that see through gown on, black drawers with the picture in the bottom.

Later on our uncle got up during the middle of the night and fell while coming back from the bathroom. We did not know it until 7 AM when Mama got up and he came out of his room on the other side of our home and announced, “I need a bandaid.” He pulled back the towel and Mama nearly flatlined. He opened up his arm. A deep gash. His daughter had to come get him to take him to the emergency room and Mama requested right then he moved to his daughter’s home. It scared Mama. But she and my Daddy were eating out once a week, and he said saw the light, an angel did that to her uncle, to get him out her home, and my Daddy asked if he could spend the night with us, and Mama laid low, did not tell him SHE WAS SPELLING HIM!

THE SPELLED WORKED.

I heard my Daddy say, “Move over,” I got moved out of the bed, to the cedar chest at the foot of the bed, on top of a quilt in my case and then after staying over some more, he moved in. Then some wedding bells rang, and I got a daddy officially, and I was ok with having to sleep in my case at night, because I really love my now daddy.

ET and her Daddy in our backyard vegetable farm

Here is their wedding picture in their overalls. Mama’s black dress was in the cleaners and her pointed hat was at the millinery! They got married in Mama’s bank by filling out a form and signing it before a Notary Public, the Alabama legislature had created the form to save judges from having to marry people of the same sex.

The County Witch and her man at Lover’s Leap a little while after they got married in a bank

I asked Mama can you reverse it and if so can you tell others? She said she only gave it serious thought two times, reversing it, but the problems that were coming in the house, which were people Daddy knew from before, coming on the telephone and internet, and in Mama’s dreams, she felt like she was dying, were too bad and powerful for a spell, so my daddy got rid of the problems and we live happily ever after land now! So we suspect Mama will burn her spell book and give her black dress and pointy hat away before she succumbs to reversing that SPELL! Now remember, if any of you try this spell, please read the disclaimer part where you need to be 100% sure you want the person.

Spell # 2 MAMA never tried this but it seems like it will work.

You fix fried chicken, potato salad, homemade biscuits, coleslaw, sweet tea, apple pie, have beer, wine or hard stuff and invite whoever you want to go on a picnic. While you are there plead your case to him or her and if they are not for this spell and do not want to be your betrothed you get out your hammer, knock them in the head, drag them home to your shed and tie them up until they get used to the idea!

We never tried that but it seems like it will work!

XOXO

Elizabeth Taylor

ps if you want any more spells let my Mama know. She is full time back in business and always no charge to family and friends.

country witch and her man at Lover’s Leap quilt show

pps Alright, this here is about my Daddy. I’ll just add in a few important parts my Mama left out. Only when my Mama help me write this Valentine Day story for Ole Jim and the folks in Rulo did my Daddy know anything about that spell. And that was pretty interesting, because my Daddy had accused my Mama many times of spelling him since she opened her laptop in early 2010 and there somehow was a post my Daddy to be in Key West had wrote on his blog, which she did not even know existed, nor did she know he existed, and she knew then and there that they were soul mates, and she was married, and she knew some day they would be together, and she wrote him an email about his blog post, and he wrote her back, and they exchanged many emails after that, about stuff he wrote and stuff happening in Alabama, and her husband knew about it and read some of what my Daddy to be was writing at his blog, and it went on like that until after Mama’s husband died, and other than my Mama kept telling my Daddy she never spelled him, what happened after that is another story she might tell for The Free Radio Rulo Wonder Bread Truck some day.

or some of it can be read about in Mama’s free ebook autobiography, A Redneck Witch’s Tales From the Crypt:

https://archive.org/details/aredneck-witchs-tales-fromthe-crypt

A Redneck Witch’s Tales From the Crypt : Christianna Morticia : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive