News From Rulo
Saturday January 27th, 2024
Howdy folks, we are one month closer to spring, thank god! Reminds me of a good song by Van “The Man” Morrison.
“I've been shoveling the snow away. Working hard for my pay.
All I gotta say is we're starting a new life.”
As you all know by now, a certain city council women is hell bent on opening a vape shop right next door to the “Leary Site”, a historic site just south of Rulo, on the Lewis and Clark National Historic Trail.
Does she really think local history buffs will stop at her vape shop before they visit the site? The sheer audacity of some people, no regard for history, cant enjoy nothing no more with out the plumes and smart phones. Darn 5G, and PCBS in my brain all day, can’t tell if ups down or downs up or whatever? Anyways, Clark climbed the hill in 1804, and observed raised mounds that turned out to be Native America grave sites. It would be down right distasteful to deface this site with a goddamn vape shop next door.
At last weeks city council meeting I proposed multiple alternative locations for the shop in Rulo. All of these locations are zoned correctly, and are not located on the Lewis and Clark trail, nor are they on ancient burial grounds. See my maps and presentation below. Please let me know what location you all think would be best!
Jim
Proposed location #1 (Old brick house across from the Red Brick Inn)
Proposed location #2 (Vacant lot just off the side of the highway)
Proposed location #3 (Circle lot and historical marker adjacent to Jerry Lee Jenson III’s Future Yoga Studio and Raw Juice Bar)
Poetry
Charles Simic 1938-2023
Music
I almost forgot, got a little carried away with all that community zoning bull squash. Lets change the mood, here’s Van the man! “Shovelling the snow away working hard for his pay”
Last weekend I was supposed to go ice fishing up in Iowa with my good buddies Ted and Waylon. I was supposed to pick them up on Friday night but as luck would have it, when I got to their place they'd already gone through a whole pallet of PBR. Not only were they completely hammered, but they were dressed head to toe in camouflage. Ted’s sister Tina was doing their Camo face paint in the living room. I said god damn it Ted and Waylon what do you need all that camouflage for we're just going fishing. So in a series of grunts and slurs they explained in full detail their plan, to sneak up and steal the game wardens brand new mechanical decoy deer. This wasn’t just any decoy deer, this was remote controlled and designed to catch poachers. Now we just knew Waylon would be kicked out of the National Guard if he got in any more trouble. Me, being completely dumbfounded by the whole situation said, well what the hell do you need? What the hell are you gonna do with a state-of-the-art decoy deer?
It probably has a GPS tracking device on it. Most likely has infrared fucking night vision boys! At this point, Ted and Waylon were completely incoherent. Ted having Waylon in a choker hold while Waylon yelled obscenities at us all. After Ted and Waylon's tussle, things calmed down a bit and they decided to continue with their secret plan. Disregarding Ted’s sister Tina and my warnings, Ted and Waylon decided to load up into Waylon's lil dune buggy. Tina being half lit up herself decided she could stop the insanity by jumping on the hood of the lil red dune buggy. This didn't seem to faze Waylon who accelerated for three blocks while Tina clung to the hood. When the buggy finally slowed to a stop, Tina tore open the passenger door and punched her brother Ted square in the face. Ted fell out of the dune buggy and vomited in the middle of the intersection, while Tina took her place next to Waylon in the rear. At this point, Waylon and Tina were in a full-on domestic dispute. As Tina was pleading with Wayland to abandon the plan, it only seemed to encourage Wayland to accelerate the vehicle. Headed west out of town on Highway 8, a state patrol officer clocked them at about 99 miles per hour. One state patrol officer radioed another, and they set up a spike strip a couple miles ahead. At that point Tina and Waylon were arguing so bad they didn't even notice they had blown out all their tires in the spike strip and they drove another three miles before they even saw the lights in their rear view mirror.
By the time they finally got pulled over, the police officer came up to knock on the window and come to find out it was Waylon's buddy from the National Guard, old Jed. Now you'd think after a high speed chase a police officer would be reading a person's their miranda rights and handcuffing them and what have you, but all old Jed could say was “I never seen a dune buggy go 99 miles per hour.” Tina being at Wits end immediately went into a tirade blaming the whole ordeal on her brother Ted, and disclosing Ted's plan to steal the game wardens mechanical decoy deer. So the next morning Ted woke up in his front yard, in full camouflage face paint looking up at a state patrol and the deputy sheriff who said “Ya know there's one thing I can't figure out Ted. How the hell were you two gonna fit that mechanical decoy deer, in that little red DUNE BUGGY?”
Award Winning Catfish dinner and a Coors light $9.99
Free Time share and micro green presentation with Gary!
Tuesday night 7:00pm at the Rulo auditorium.
Make "Green" Growing Greens for Gary!
Art
Famed Avant Garde Nebraskan macaroni artist Jeffy’s 2nd art showing at the Falls City Kwik Shop, in conversation with famed native Nebraskan movie director Alexander Payne! Deep dive into the creative process, as these two masters of their craft talk shop.
Art showing next weekend preview video.
At the movies
Way to go Nebraskan director Alexander Payne! This movie starts out with a cool 70’s retro, vintage montage deal. A winter scene of a boarding school out east or something, hustle and bustle right before Christmas break and what have ya. Anyways, this haunting folk song was playing and I could not put my finger on it. I could swear that I recognized the voice. Felt like it was an old song because of the retro feel of the movie. So I went ahead and did a quick Google search, and hot damn it was one of my favorite folk singers, Damien Jurado! Just perfect for the beginning of a very moving movie! I fully recommend both the movie, and the folk singer. Check out the song below, Godbless it!
Sports
Nature
This here is a picture I took of Crater lake in Oregon, I took it quite sometime ago. My father and I drove to the top of the caldera and could not see a thing because the lake was socked in with fog. We toured the lodge a bit and went outside, the fog cleared and I was able to take this photo. It was an amazing experience! Native Americans witnessed its formation 7,700 years ago, when a violent eruption triggered the collapse of a tall peak. Below is a time lapse of “Mount Mazama’s” collapse, and Crater Lake’s formation.
The New Church of Dudo.
Letters to the editor:
Subject: Vape Plumes Impacting 5G Internet Speeds at Rulo Library
Dear Editor,
I am writing to bring attention to a growing issue that has been affecting the internet experience at the Rulo Library – the excessive vape plumes inside the library space. While I respect the right of individuals to make personal choices, the impact of these vape clouds on the 5G internet speed is becoming a significant concern for patrons like myself.
As someone who frequently visits the library to engage in online activities, particularly managing my Etsy shop where I sell my macaroni art, I have noticed a considerable slowdown in the internet speed. The prevalence of vape plumes within the library seems to be contributing to this issue, making it challenging for users to access and navigate online platforms seamlessly. Thank you for your attention to this matter, and I hope to see positive steps taken to address the issue.
Sincerely,
Jeffy
Subject: Lack of Local Talent in the “News From Rulo” Poetry Section.
Dear Editor,
I propose a unique idea that could serve as a platform for both local poets and community engagement. How about hosting a poetry slam at the Falls City Pizza Hut, coinciding with their pancake feed events? This collaboration could create a vibrant and inclusive space for poets to share their work with the community while enjoying the comfort and hospitality of a local establishment.
Floyd C Banner
Subject: Questioning Tax Spending on Game Warden Decoy Deer
Dear Editor,
The ethical implications surrounding the use of AI decoy deer raise several pressing questions. Firstly, the deployment of these mechanical decoys blurs the line between effective law enforcement measures and potential ethical overreach.
As technology evolves, it becomes crucial to assess whether these AI decoy deer could inadvertently impact non-target species or disrupt the natural behavior of wildlife in the area. Understanding the broader ecological consequences of such measures is essential to ensure that the intended benefits do not come at the expense of unintended environmental disruptions.
Sincerely,
Ted and Waylon
Subject: Sports Section in Last Week's “News from Rulo” was lacking.
Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my disappointment with the recent issue of News from Rulo, specifically concerning the sports section. As an avid reader and a sports enthusiast, I look forward to the comprehensive coverage of local sports events in your publication. The sports section seemed to be under construction or incomplete, and several key articles and updates were missing. As someone who relies on your publication for up-to-date information on local sports activities, this left me feeling uninformed and let down.
Coach F.
Loved the red dune buggy and my neighbor has that damn deer decoy in his front yard. Great post.
I loved the poem about the stone.